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CAST OF THE SEVEN GODSENDS REDUX
25/01/2022
WRITTEN BY THE OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE GAMER
(WITH ABSOLUTELY NO HELP FROM BERTRUM)
PLATFORM: PLAYSTATION 4
OCG: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls...
I am thee Obsessive Compulsive Gamer joined once again by my faithful manservant/factotum Bertrum. Say hello, Bertrum
Bertrum: Hello, Bertrum!
OCG: And this is my review for CAST OF THE SEVEN GODSENDS
CAST OF THE SEVEN GODSENDS REDUX originally released for the playstation 4 back in 2016. A year I remember fondly as the year I smuggled a priceless piece of art back from Paris in a condom rammed up my jacksie for the first time
So, what the Hell is CAST OF THE SEVEN GODSENDS? I am so glad you asked, dear viewer
Bertrum: I didn't hear anything
OCG: Shut up, Bertrum! CAST OF THE SEVEN GODSENDS is a 2d action adventure run and gun arcade platformer...thing
So, story. The princess of the kingdom is kidnapped by a villainous tosser and since Super Mario is unavailable, our character whateverhisnameis must save the princess and ultimately save the kingdom from the villainous tosser
So, gameplay. You'll run, platform and attack your way through six levels collecting power ups, armour...
Bertrum: Snacks?
OCG: No. You don't collect snacks
Bertrum: No. Do we have any snacks?
OCG: You're always thinking with your bloody stomach, Bertrum
Bertrum: That's not possible. You can't think with your stomach. Unless your brain is in your stomach which it is not
OCG: I know. I know. It's an expression, Bertrum
Bertrum: You didn't answer my question. Do we have any snacks?
OCG: I might have half a milky bar in my underpants
Bertrum: Ummm...Why is it in your underpants?
OCG: It comforts me
Bertrum: Ummm...Okay. Can I have some?
OCG: Fine. Just reach in and take it
Bertrum: Ummm...What?
OCG: I'm a little busy here playing this damned game. So if you want chocolate you'll have to reach into my underpants and take it
Bertrum: Ummm...Okay
OCG: A little to the left. No, the other left! Move your hand 90 degrees
Bertrum: Got it!
OCG: Bully for you. Now eat your chocolate and let me get on with this review. What the Hell was I saying? Oh yes! 6 levels, kill enemies, platform blah blah blah. This game is basically GHOSTS N GOBLINS or GHOULS N GHOSTS...Whatever the Hell it's called
Bertrum: Actually, those are both correct
OCG: I knew it! I'm a genius
Bertrum: Didn't you once try to remove your finger prints by sticking your fingers in a wall socket?
OCG: I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids
Bertrum: Actually you would have gotten away with it if you hadn't electrocuted yourself and ended up in the hospital for 37 days
OCG: Quite. Speaking of GHOSTS N GOBLINS, this game is harder than the tin man watching Dorothy pole dance
Bertrum: But didn't you play on the easy mode?
OCG: Shut up, Bertrum! So what else can I tell you about the game? Oh yes!There are 12 boss fights in total and several different endings to unlock
So, in conclusion if you enjoy games like GHOSTS N GOBLINS then I'm sure you'll enjoy this little game. Take my advice though and play like I did on the easy difficulty
Bertrum: I knew it!
OCG: Shut up, Bertrum! Therefore I am going to score CAST OF THE SEVEN GODSENDS REDUX a 4 out of 5!.
Bertrum, I thought you took the chocolate out of my underpants?
Bertrum: I did. It was tasty
OCG: Then why have I found the half eaten milky bar exactly where I left it? Oh no!
Bertrum: Oh no!
OCG: I feel sick
THE OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE GAMER