WRITTEN BY THE OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE GAMER
(WITH ABSOLUTELY NO HELP FROM BERTRUM)
PLATFORM: PLAYSTATION 4
OCG: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls...
I am thee Obsessive Compulsive Gamer joined once again by my faithful manservant/factotum Bertrum. Say hello, Bertrum
Bertrum: Hello, Bertrum!
OCG: And this is my review for PANKAPU
Bertrum: Peek a boo!
OCG: It's PANKAPU, not PEEK A BOO you moron!
OCG: So, PANKAPU originally released in 2017. A year I remember fondly as the year I caught Bertrum in a very compromising position with a killer clown from outer space
Bertrum: I was hugging him
OCG: If you say so. So, what the hell is PANKAPU?
Bertrum: Peek a boo!
OCG: It's PANKAPU, not PEEK A BOO you clown fornicator!
OCG: PANKAPU (don't you dare, Bertrum). PANKAPU is a narrative driven action platformer that takes place in a brats dreams...Or some such nonsense and let me just say upfront that this is a charming little platformer with charming visuals and a charming soundtrack
Bertrum: What does charming mean?
OCG: It means that...Ummmm...It means...Shut up, Bertrum!
So, gameplay. You'll explore over 20 stages platforming, defeating enemies and eventually fighting bosses. And can I just say that the bosses in this game can kiss my backside
Bertrum: That sounds like a request
OCG: No. It's a figure of speech (OH) What I'm saying is the boss fights are frustrating affairs. Now, as Pankapu
Bertrum: Peek a...
OCG: If you finish that sentence I am going to throw you out of the window, Bertrum. Anyway, as Pankapu you'll eventually be able to take several forms including one that can shoot arrows and another that can dodge through enemy attacks and you'll have to utilize all three forms to conquer the game. Sounds fun, right? I thought so too. I was playing the game, having a jolly old time when suddenly I was hit by a difficulty spike right through the bloody heart
Bertrum: Lucky that you're not a vampire...I think
OCG: Shut up, Bertrum! The only way I can describe how I felt would be to tell you, dear viewer that it was similar to the time I was in the cinema, enjoying a movie, having a jolly old time when I was suddenly set upon by a commoner who proceeded to steal my popcorn
Bertrum: Oh my! What did you do?
OCG: I bought another tub of popcorn, of course. No actually I burst into tears THEN I bought another tub of popcorn. The point I'm making is the game becomes a lot less fun from about halfway onwards so buyer beware
So, in conclusion I enjoyed half of this game. The other half can go to Hell where no doubt it will meet other Hellish platformers like BUBSY 3D. Therefore I am going to give PANKAPU a 2 out of 5.
THE OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE GAMER