Reviewed by: Adam Kheroua
When your company's logo looks like it has been lifted from a third-rate condom manufacturer you should start to question your creative choices, yet no such examination seems to have occurred within the offices of H Room, hence their ugly little contribution to the videogame space with Plunderer's Adventure.
Upon loading the game and being summarily tortured by the hideous menu music, I noticed the Gallery and decided to see what rewards I could expect for stomaching this trash until I got bored and returned to Elden Ring or Triangle Strategy. For you time wasted with Plunderer's Adventure, you'll receive NFT's basically: jpegs of various 'assets' used in the game, be they Monsters, Heroes, Scenes or Girls. If you are salivating at the thought of leering over low-resolution, even lower-effort pixel art of pirate girls then good for you - you have poor taste and a low IQ. If like myself, you find this addition rather gauche, then - and I'm no doctor but I think I can say this - you are normal and do not want to play Plunderer's Adventure any further.
For those of us that must play the game (who said being a game journalist was a dream job, huh?) Plunderer's Adventure doesn't get much better from this lacklustre first impression. The core of the gameplay is lane defence, with your character attacking ever-encroaching enemies in an attempt to stop them reaching your side of the ship and making off with your crew - who of course are all scantily-clad pirate lasses. Standing between them and a merciful death freeing them from this game is you - regrettably - and your basic attacks that recharge after each use, as well as other additional attacks that have various effects on proceedings. These attacks can be upgraded by buying different ship parts from the upgrades menu, with gold earned from play being used to pay for each upgrade.
On the subject of gold earned, you are basically forced to replay the first level several times over so as to grind enough gold to level up your abilities in order to deal with the next level. This wouldn't be so bad... save for the problem that this is Plunderer's Adventure, an ugly game with no variety, ingenuity or sensibility whatsoever. Replaying level one five or six times did nothing whatsoever to warm me to the concept of going easy on this rubbish. Software such as Plunderer's Adventure makes the medium of gaming look every bit as crass, cynical and harmful as its detractors believe it to be. Sure, it works and yes it costs virtually nothing, and in an era where build quality, consistency and affordability have been stretched to breaking point, I could almost forgive Plunderer's for its meagre showing because it works. I could almost forgive... but I will not. I'd denigrate this poultry time-vacuum as a mere mobile game, but that would be an insult to the format. No, Plunderer's Adventure makes Game-and-Watch look next-gen. This dull, childish and retrograde slither of digital diarrhoea was embarrassing to sit next to while I played it. I wouldn't recommend this as a torture technique, let-alone as a game fit for purchase. Plunderer's Adventurer is indeed a treasure trove... of retrograde incentives, putrid pixel 'art', and trite mechanics, making this title more blunder rather than plunder.
Reviewed by: Adam Kheroua