THE LONGEST ROAD ON EARTH

03/02/2022

WRITTEN BY THE OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE GAMER

(WITH ABSOLUTELY NO HELP FROM BERTRUM)

PLATFORM: Playstation 5

OCG: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls! I am thee Obsessive Compulsive Gamer joined

once again by my faithful manservant/factotum Bertrum. Say hello, Bertrum

Bertrum: Hello, Bertrum!

OCG: And this is my review for THE LONGEST ROAD ON EARTH

OCG: THE LONGEST ROAD ON EARTH released today

Bertrum: Ummm...What the Hell is this game?

OCG: That's a good question, Bertrum. This is a narrative driven game with the added

gimmick of the entire thing being underscored by songs but more on that later

Bertrum: So, tell me about this videogame

OCG: This is not so much a videogame as it is a...

Bertrum: A dinosaur?

OCG: What? No! An experience. This is more of a sensory experience

Bertrum: What does that mean?

OCG: It means you'll need to use your senses i.e your eyes and your ears (OH) The story is told

through the visuals and the music. There's no dialogue or subtitles so you'll have to decide

what's going on yourself

Bertrum: That's clever

OCG: Quite

Bertrum: Lazy too. Why do we have to figure out what the game's about? We bought the game

didn't we?

OCG: Well I bought the game but I see your point. It isn't for everyone. But personally I really

enjoyed this game

Bertrum: But you said it wasn't a game

OCG: Fine. I enjoyed this experience. Whatever. It was often very emotional

Bertrum: Did you cry?

OCG: That's irrelevant

Bertrum: You cried

OCG: Shut up, Bertrum. But if you must know, yes I did cry. Some of the stories in the game

were very sad. For e.g there was one about a woman who has clearly lost her husband

Bertrum: How did she lose him? Did she forget where she put him because I've done that.

One time I hid a sandwich so I wouldn't eat it then when I wanted to eat it I couldn't find it

OCG: She didn't lose, lose him. He died

Bertrum: Oh. Did he die before or after she lost him? SLAP Owwwww

OCG: As I was saying before I slapped Bertrum. This game is often sad and often very

touching. In Fact this game touched me in a way I haven't been touched since...

Bertrum: The boy scouts?

OCG: What? No! Since I played...You know what. Nevermind. You're disgusting, Bertrum

Bertrum: What? You're the one who told me when you were in the boy scouts you got hugged

off a bear in the woods

OCG: Ah. Yes I did. He was an awfully cuddly fellow

Bertrum: What did you think I was talking about?

OCG: Nothing! Speaking of bears, this game features many an animal character. And not

perverts dressed up like animals, actual animals

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OCG: So, gameplay. Apart from using the left analogue stick and occasionally pressing the

square button when prompted, there is no gameplay to speak of

Bertrum: What one is the square button again?

OCG: The one that is shaped like a square

Bertrum: Ah

OCG: Like I said at the start of this review the whole game is underscored by songs and the

lyrics of these songs will give you hints to what is going on in the story

Bertrum: But I thought you said there was more than one story

OCG: Fine. Stories. The lyrics will hint at what's going on in the stories. Now I would love to

let you hear some of the songs but I want to leave you to hear them for yourselves, dear viewer

Bertrum: In other words, OCG is shitting his pants that youtube will copyright strike this

video

OCG: Quite. So, in conclusion if you are a fan of narrative driven experiences then I highly

recommend this game. If all you want from a video game is gunfire, puzzle solving and

women with massive breasts then this is not the game for you. But I loved this game.

Therefore I am going to score THE LONGEST ROAD ON EARTH a 4 out of 5!

Reviewed by: The Obsessive Compulsive Gamer

(Gamer, Artist, Lunatic)