THE LONGEST ROAD ON EARTH
WRITTEN BY THE OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE GAMER
(WITH ABSOLUTELY NO HELP FROM BERTRUM)
PLATFORM: Playstation 5
OCG: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls! I am thee Obsessive Compulsive Gamer joined
once again by my faithful manservant/factotum Bertrum. Say hello, Bertrum
Bertrum: Hello, Bertrum!
OCG: And this is my review for THE LONGEST ROAD ON EARTH
OCG: THE LONGEST ROAD ON EARTH released today
Bertrum: Ummm...What the Hell is this game?
OCG: That's a good question, Bertrum. This is a narrative driven game with the added
gimmick of the entire thing being underscored by songs but more on that later
Bertrum: So, tell me about this videogame
OCG: This is not so much a videogame as it is a...
Bertrum: A dinosaur?
OCG: What? No! An experience. This is more of a sensory experience
Bertrum: What does that mean?
OCG: It means you'll need to use your senses i.e your eyes and your ears (OH) The story is told
through the visuals and the music. There's no dialogue or subtitles so you'll have to decide
what's going on yourself
Bertrum: That's clever
Bertrum: Lazy too. Why do we have to figure out what the game's about? We bought the game
OCG: Well I bought the game but I see your point. It isn't for everyone. But personally I really
enjoyed this game
Bertrum: But you said it wasn't a game
OCG: Fine. I enjoyed this experience. Whatever. It was often very emotional
Bertrum: Did you cry?
OCG: That's irrelevant
Bertrum: You cried
OCG: Shut up, Bertrum. But if you must know, yes I did cry. Some of the stories in the game
were very sad. For e.g there was one about a woman who has clearly lost her husband
Bertrum: How did she lose him? Did she forget where she put him because I've done that.
One time I hid a sandwich so I wouldn't eat it then when I wanted to eat it I couldn't find it
OCG: She didn't lose, lose him. He died
Bertrum: Oh. Did he die before or after she lost him? SLAP Owwwww
OCG: As I was saying before I slapped Bertrum. This game is often sad and often very
touching. In Fact this game touched me in a way I haven't been touched since...
Bertrum: The boy scouts?
OCG: What? No! Since I played...You know what. Nevermind. You're disgusting, Bertrum
Bertrum: What? You're the one who told me when you were in the boy scouts you got hugged
off a bear in the woods
OCG: Ah. Yes I did. He was an awfully cuddly fellow
Bertrum: What did you think I was talking about?
OCG: Nothing! Speaking of bears, this game features many an animal character. And not
perverts dressed up like animals, actual animals
OCG: So, gameplay. Apart from using the left analogue stick and occasionally pressing the
square button when prompted, there is no gameplay to speak of
Bertrum: What one is the square button again?
OCG: The one that is shaped like a square
OCG: Like I said at the start of this review the whole game is underscored by songs and the
lyrics of these songs will give you hints to what is going on in the story
Bertrum: But I thought you said there was more than one story
OCG: Fine. Stories. The lyrics will hint at what's going on in the stories. Now I would love to
let you hear some of the songs but I want to leave you to hear them for yourselves, dear viewer
Bertrum: In other words, OCG is shitting his pants that youtube will copyright strike this
OCG: Quite. So, in conclusion if you are a fan of narrative driven experiences then I highly
recommend this game. If all you want from a video game is gunfire, puzzle solving and
women with massive breasts then this is not the game for you. But I loved this game.
Therefore I am going to score THE LONGEST ROAD ON EARTH a 4 out of 5!
Reviewed by: The Obsessive Compulsive Gamer
(Gamer, Artist, Lunatic)