UNCHARTED: LEGACY OF THIEVES COLLECTION
WRITTEN BY THE OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE GAMER
(WITH ABSOLUTELY NO HELP FROM BERTRUM)
PLATFORM: Playstation 5
OCG: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls! I am thee Obsessive Compulsive Gamer joined
once again by my faithful manservant/factotum Bertrum. Say hello, Bertrum
Bertrum: Hello, Bertrum!
OCG: And this is my review for the UNCHARTED: LEGACY OF THIEVES COLLECTION
OCG: Please note: This review is long. One might say too long but I love these games and I
have a lot to say. And besides it's bloody hilarious so sit back, relax, remove your trousers
and/or skirt and/or uniform and let's get started...With the review not anything sordid
Bertrum: Then why did you tell them to remove their clothes?
OCG: Shut up, Bertrum. So, let's get started
OCG: UNCHARTED: LEGACY OF THIEVES COLLECTION released today for the
playstation 5. So, what the Hell is the UNCHARTED: LEGACY OF THIEVES
COLLECTION? I am so glad you asked, dear viewer
Bertrum: I didn't hear anything
OCG: Shut up, Bertrum! This is an enhanced remaster of both UNCHARTED 4 and
UNCHARTED: THE LOST LEGACY for the playstation 5. That means you can play these
games in 4K with up to 120 fps
Bertrum: Ummm...Why do you have an erection, OCG?
OCG: Because this collection makes me very happy, Bertrum. Now, I'm not going to insult
your intelligence, dear viewer by telling you every detail about these games. I'm sure you
already know most, if not everything about what these games are
Bertrum: Are you feeling alright? It's not like you to not insult people's intelligence
OCG: I'm just bloody ecstatic to be playing these games again
Bertrum: But you play them all the time
OCG: What's your point?
Bertrum: Nothing. If you spent as much time doing housework or cooking as you do playing
video games I wouldn't be starving and the house wouldn't look like a pigsty
OCG: The last time I checked it was YOUR job to clean and cook
Bertrum: (Realizes) Oh yeah...Silly me!
OCG: And don't blame me for the pigsty. You're the one who said you wanted a pet pig
Bertrum: Your wife dressed up in a Miss Piggy costume does not count as a pet pig
OCG: So, let's start talking about UNCHARTED 4. UNCHARTED 4 finds our intrepid
treasure hunter, Nathan Drake re-uniting with his long lost brother, Sam and going on a
globe trotting adventure to find Henry Avery's long lost treasure
Bertrum: A long lost brother AND a long lost treasure. This sounds like a game of long losts
OCG: That doesn't make any sense
Bertrum: You don't make any sense!
OCG: Wonderful come back. Bravo
Bertrum: Who is Henry Avery?
OCG: He was a pirate
Bertrum: Oh. I like pirates
OCG: I was a pirate once upon a time
OCG: No. It's the name of a book I once wrote: "I was a pirate once upon a time". It was a
cross between TREASURE ISLAND and CINDERELLA. So instead of the prince finding
Cinderella by realizing the glass slipper belongs to her. In my story the prince is a pirate and
the glass slipper is a peg leg so the pirate finds his gay lover by realising the peg leg is his
Bertrum: Wow! I like your story more
OCG: Thank you, Bertrum
OCG: So, gameplay. In both UNCHARTED 4 and THE LOST LEGACY you'll explore,
platform, climb, shoot and puzzle solve your way through many exotic locations including
islands, Scotland, India, Italy and Dracula's castle in Transylvania...Maybe not that last one
Bertrum: Is it story time yet?
OCG: Why, yes Bertrum it is! Now, as you might recall, back in 2016 copies of UNCHARTED
4 were being sold on ebay weeks before the games official release so being the impatient,
excitable bastard that I am I went straight on ebay and bought a copy for £180.00
Bertrum: Oh my! You could have bought 180 packets of oreos for that. Why didn't you buy 180
packets of oreos?
OCG: Because I wanted to buy UNCHARTED 4 damnit!
Bertrum: I would have bought 180 packets of oreos
OCG: Shut up, Bertrum! Let me finish my story. So, I eagerly waited for the postman to deliver
my copy of UNCHARTED 4. The day came. I grabbed the package from the postman and
tore it open with my bare teeth
Bertrum: Don't you mean you tore it apart with your bare dentures? (Slap) Owwwww!
OCG: CLEARS THROAT So I tore the package apart and I cried. I actually cried
Bertrum: Because you were so happy?
OCG: No. Because I had been duped. What was supposed to be a copy of UNCHARTED 4 was
Bertrum: What was it?
OCG: A DVD of "Legs Parted Whore"
Bertrum: Oh no!...And how was it?
OCG: How was what?
Bertrum: "Legs Parted whore". I assume you watched it
OCG: Well...Yes I did and it was only mildly arousing but that's besides the point. It wasn't
UNCHARTED 4. But this story has a happy ending
Bertrum: I'm not surprised with a title like "Legs Parted Whore"
OCG: Not that, you moron! I managed to find another seller with an early copy of
UNCHARTED 4 and it was only £146.00
Bertrum: You could have bought 146 packets of oreos for that. Why didn't you buy 146 packets
OCG: If you mention Oreos one more time, Bertrum. I am going to shoot you with a laser gun.
So cut to the next day. I receive the package, once again rip it open with my teeth
Bertrum: False teeth (Slap) Owwwwww
OCG: So I tore the package apart and...And...
OCG: It was a blu ray for "Legs Parted Whore: The Director's Cut"
Bertrum: What? I thought you said there was a happy ending?
OCG: There was. The following day I found out that both of the sellers who had scammed me
on ebay were found dead
Bertrum: What did they die of?
OCG: An overdose of oreos apparently
Bertrum: Wow! What a way to go. That's how I want to go
OCG: I am not buying you 180 packets of oreos
Bertrum: How about 146? No? Okay
OCG: So, graphics. I don't have to tell you how stunning these games are on playstation 5, just
look at this gameplay
Bertrum: Looks nice
OCG: Nice? Nice? My wife looks nice when she's lying in a body bag. Animals look nice when
they wear people clothes. My colonel Mustard looks nice when I put a bow on it but these
games most certainly do not look nice. They look amazing
Bertrum: My mistake
OCG: Don't let it happen again
OCG: So, what do I think of UNCHARTED 4? Well...I don't mind telling you, dear viewer that
the first time I played UNCHARTED 4 I cried. Not once. Not twice but probably ten times
Bertrum: You cried?
Bertrum: From your eyes?
OCG: Yes. Isn't it amazing?
Bertrum: I didn't think you had it in you. Well done, OCG
OCG: Thank you, Bertrum. Playing UNCHARTED 4 was like finding the arc of the covenant,
without the melting nazi's of course. The music, the flashbacks to Nate's childhood, his
relationship with Sam, the CRASH BANDICOOT sequence, the final confrontation with
Rafe, the way Elena's breasts were proportionate and realistic unlike those ridiculous
Japanese RPGs...It all overwhelmed me in a way few games have
Bertrum: Didn't you cry playing THE LAST OF US PART 2?
Bertrum: And the original THE LAST OF US?
Bertrum: And FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE?
Bertrum: And FINAL FANTASY XV? Infact, all of the FINAL FANTASY games?
Bertrum: And all of the YAKUZA games?
Bertrum: And all of the METAL GEAR SOLID games?
Bertrum: And RESIDENT EVIL 6 when Piers died?
OCG: Don't remind me
OCG: Yes. Yes. Yes. I have cried at a lot of video games but I can't help it. I just love them so
damn much! UNCHARTED, like my gaming reviews is something that got better and better
with each new entry
OCG: What are you laughing at?
Bertrum: You said "entry"
OCG: Thank you, Butthead. Make yourself useful and get me a coffee
Bertrum: Oh, okay
OCG: What was I saying before I was rudely interrupted? Oh yes! The UNCHARTED SERIES
seemed to get better and better with each new sequel. The set pieces got better, the writing
got better, the visuals got better...I think you get the point
Bertrum: Here's your coffee
OCG: Bertrum, why have you served me my coffee in a cereal bowl?
Bertrum: Ummm...Because all of the mugs are indisposed
OCG: Indisposed? Did they have a long night on the town?
Bertrum: No. On the kitchen floor. I kind of...Sort of...Maybe...Accidentally bumped into the
mug rack and broke every single mug
OCG: I see. I'll have to take that out of your wages
Bertrum: But you don't pay me wages
OCG: That's right. Well if I did I would be taking this out of your wages so you thank your
lucky stars that I don't pay you
Bertrum: Lucky me
OCG: So, what was I saying? Oh yes! Every entry in the UNCHARTED SERIES is fantastic so
it won't surprise you to hear me say UNCHARTED 4 is not only the best of the series but is
one of, if not the greatest videogame ever made
Bertrum: What about MY FRIEND PEPPA PIG?
OCG: What about them?
Bertrum: No. The game MY FRIEND PEPPA PIG. Where would that rank?
OCG: Probably the 4, 600, 916th best game ever made
Bertrum: Wow! That's impressive. Well done, Peppa Pig
OCG: (Looking up) God, give me strength
Bertrum: Did you say something?
OCG: Now, before I talk about THE LOST LEGACY can I just say that the voice talent in
these games is exceptional. I only have to say the names Nolan North or Troy Baker and I
immediately want to fall at their feet and...
Bertrum: Kiss them?
OCG: No. Not kiss them...Not unless they wanted me to. I would fall at their feet and tell them
how much they inspire me as a fellow voice actor
Bertrum: I never knew you were a voice actor
OCG: We have to have some secrets, Bertrum
Bertrum: What else can you do?
OCG: Ummm...I can make my genitals look like a hamburger
Bertrum: Show me! Show me!
OCG: I'll show you later
OCG: Reign in that excitement, Bertrum or people will start talking. Speaking of voice actors,
I want to give a shout out to Robin Atkin Downes
Bertrum: Hello Robin
OCG: Shut up, Bertrum! You're not allowed to address famous video game voice actors
Bertrum: Awww why not?
OCG: Because you have a stupid voice
Bertrum: You have a stupid voice
OCG: No. You have a stupid voice
Bertrum: No. You have a stupid voice SLAP Owwwww
OCG: What was I saying? Oh yes! Robin Atkin Downes has been in every UNCHARTED
game and he's great in every one of them. If you don't know who he is, type his name into
google. He's been in a lot of video games
OCG: Let's move on to THE LOST LEGACY. So, UNCHARTED: THE LOST LEGACY see's
Chloe Frazer (aka the sex symbol of the UNCHARTED series) teaming up with Nadine Ross
(aka the sex symbol of the UNCHARTED series) to find the tusk of Ganesh and prevent a
villainous tosser, Asav (aka the sex symbol of the UNCHARTED series) from inciting a civil
Bertrum: I'm confused...So Chloe, Nadine and Asav are all sex symbols of the UNCHARTED
OCG: Well, I have to cover all sexes and sexual orientations, Bertrum
Bertrum: Ah! Got you
OCG: Did you know, Bertrum that I am considered to be something of a sex symbol in the
youtube gaming community
Bertrum: Haha good one
OCG: I'm being serious
Bertrum: Who the Hell in their right mind would call you a sex symbol?
OCG: I do
Bertrum: Like I said, who in their RIGHT MIND would call you a sex symbol?
OCG: UNCHARTED: THE LOST LEGACY is for all intents and purposes UNCHARTED 5
and like UNCHARTED 4 it has a great villain and great action sequences
Bertrum: Isn't that the one with the train sequence at the end?
OCG: Yes it is, Bertrum
Bertrum: I like trains...And planes...And automobiles
OCG: Fantastic film!
Bertrum: (Confused) Ummm...What?
OCG: Nevermind. So, gameplay...
Bertrum: You already covered that in the UNCHARTED 4 section
OCG: So I did! Visuals...
Bertrum: You already covered that in the UNCHARTED 4 section
OCG: So I did! Did I tell the story about buying an early copy of UNCHARTED 4 off ebay?
Bertrum: With the 180 packets of oreos and a copy of "Legs Parted Whore"? Yes you did
OCG: Splendid! I guess all I need to do is wrap this up
Bertrum: Quickly, please. I feel like we've been talking non-stop for days
OCG: So, in conclusion these are two of the absolute best playstation 4 games and now they are
two of the absolute best playstation 5 games. UNCHARTED 4 in particular is so good I want
to play it again right now. In Fact that's what I'm going to do. So the video is done. You can
all bugger off
OCG: Oh yes! Therefore I am going to score the UNCHARTED: LEGACY OF THIEVES
COLLECTION a 5 out of 5!
The Obsessive Compulsive Gamer
(Gamer, Artist, Lunatic)