UNCHARTED: LEGACY OF THIEVES COLLECTION

27/01/2022

WRITTEN BY THE OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE GAMER

(WITH ABSOLUTELY NO HELP FROM BERTRUM)

PLATFORM: Playstation 5

OCG: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls! I am thee Obsessive Compulsive Gamer joined

once again by my faithful manservant/factotum Bertrum. Say hello, Bertrum

Bertrum: Hello, Bertrum!

OCG: And this is my review for the UNCHARTED: LEGACY OF THIEVES COLLECTION

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OCG: Please note: This review is long. One might say too long but I love these games and I

have a lot to say. And besides it's bloody hilarious so sit back, relax, remove your trousers

and/or skirt and/or uniform and let's get started...With the review not anything sordid

Bertrum: Then why did you tell them to remove their clothes?

OCG: Shut up, Bertrum. So, let's get started

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OCG: UNCHARTED: LEGACY OF THIEVES COLLECTION released today for the

playstation 5. So, what the Hell is the UNCHARTED: LEGACY OF THIEVES

COLLECTION? I am so glad you asked, dear viewer

Bertrum: I didn't hear anything

OCG: Shut up, Bertrum! This is an enhanced remaster of both UNCHARTED 4 and

UNCHARTED: THE LOST LEGACY for the playstation 5. That means you can play these

games in 4K with up to 120 fps

Bertrum: Ummm...Why do you have an erection, OCG?

OCG: Because this collection makes me very happy, Bertrum. Now, I'm not going to insult

your intelligence, dear viewer by telling you every detail about these games. I'm sure you

already know most, if not everything about what these games are

Bertrum: Are you feeling alright? It's not like you to not insult people's intelligence

OCG: I'm just bloody ecstatic to be playing these games again

Bertrum: But you play them all the time

OCG: What's your point?

Bertrum: Nothing. If you spent as much time doing housework or cooking as you do playing

video games I wouldn't be starving and the house wouldn't look like a pigsty

OCG: The last time I checked it was YOUR job to clean and cook

Bertrum: (Realizes) Oh yeah...Silly me!

OCG: And don't blame me for the pigsty. You're the one who said you wanted a pet pig

Bertrum: Your wife dressed up in a Miss Piggy costume does not count as a pet pig

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OCG: So, let's start talking about UNCHARTED 4. UNCHARTED 4 finds our intrepid

treasure hunter, Nathan Drake re-uniting with his long lost brother, Sam and going on a

globe trotting adventure to find Henry Avery's long lost treasure

Bertrum: A long lost brother AND a long lost treasure. This sounds like a game of long losts

OCG: That doesn't make any sense

Bertrum: You don't make any sense!

OCG: Wonderful come back. Bravo

Bertrum: Who is Henry Avery?

OCG: He was a pirate

Bertrum: Oh. I like pirates

OCG: I was a pirate once upon a time

Bertrum: Really?

OCG: No. It's the name of a book I once wrote: "I was a pirate once upon a time". It was a

cross between TREASURE ISLAND and CINDERELLA. So instead of the prince finding

Cinderella by realizing the glass slipper belongs to her. In my story the prince is a pirate and

the glass slipper is a peg leg so the pirate finds his gay lover by realising the peg leg is his

Bertrum: Wow! I like your story more

OCG: Thank you, Bertrum

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OCG: So, gameplay. In both UNCHARTED 4 and THE LOST LEGACY you'll explore,

platform, climb, shoot and puzzle solve your way through many exotic locations including

islands, Scotland, India, Italy and Dracula's castle in Transylvania...Maybe not that last one

Bertrum: Is it story time yet?

OCG: Why, yes Bertrum it is! Now, as you might recall, back in 2016 copies of UNCHARTED

4 were being sold on ebay weeks before the games official release so being the impatient,

excitable bastard that I am I went straight on ebay and bought a copy for £180.00

Bertrum: Oh my! You could have bought 180 packets of oreos for that. Why didn't you buy 180

packets of oreos?

OCG: Because I wanted to buy UNCHARTED 4 damnit!

Bertrum: I would have bought 180 packets of oreos

OCG: Shut up, Bertrum! Let me finish my story. So, I eagerly waited for the postman to deliver

my copy of UNCHARTED 4. The day came. I grabbed the package from the postman and

tore it open with my bare teeth

Bertrum: Don't you mean you tore it apart with your bare dentures? (Slap) Owwwww!

OCG: CLEARS THROAT So I tore the package apart and I cried. I actually cried

Bertrum: Because you were so happy?

OCG: No. Because I had been duped. What was supposed to be a copy of UNCHARTED 4 was

actually...Was actually...

Bertrum: What was it?

OCG: A DVD of "Legs Parted Whore"

Bertrum: Oh no!...And how was it?

OCG: How was what?

Bertrum: "Legs Parted whore". I assume you watched it

OCG: Well...Yes I did and it was only mildly arousing but that's besides the point. It wasn't

UNCHARTED 4. But this story has a happy ending

Bertrum: I'm not surprised with a title like "Legs Parted Whore"

OCG: Not that, you moron! I managed to find another seller with an early copy of

UNCHARTED 4 and it was only £146.00

Bertrum: You could have bought 146 packets of oreos for that. Why didn't you buy 146 packets

of oreos?

OCG: If you mention Oreos one more time, Bertrum. I am going to shoot you with a laser gun.

So cut to the next day. I receive the package, once again rip it open with my teeth

Bertrum: False teeth (Slap) Owwwwww

OCG: So I tore the package apart and...And...

Bertrum: And?

OCG: And...And...

Bertrum: And?

OCG: It was a blu ray for "Legs Parted Whore: The Director's Cut"

Bertrum: What? I thought you said there was a happy ending?

OCG: There was. The following day I found out that both of the sellers who had scammed me

on ebay were found dead

Bertrum: What did they die of?

OCG: An overdose of oreos apparently

Bertrum: Wow! What a way to go. That's how I want to go

OCG: I am not buying you 180 packets of oreos

Bertrum: How about 146? No? Okay

OCG: So, graphics. I don't have to tell you how stunning these games are on playstation 5, just

look at this gameplay

Bertrum: Looks nice

OCG: Nice? Nice? My wife looks nice when she's lying in a body bag. Animals look nice when

they wear people clothes. My colonel Mustard looks nice when I put a bow on it but these

games most certainly do not look nice. They look amazing

Bertrum: My mistake

OCG: Don't let it happen again

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OCG: So, what do I think of UNCHARTED 4? Well...I don't mind telling you, dear viewer that

the first time I played UNCHARTED 4 I cried. Not once. Not twice but probably ten times

Bertrum: You cried?

OCG: Yes

Bertrum: From your eyes?

OCG: Yes. Isn't it amazing?

Bertrum: I didn't think you had it in you. Well done, OCG

OCG: Thank you, Bertrum. Playing UNCHARTED 4 was like finding the arc of the covenant,

without the melting nazi's of course. The music, the flashbacks to Nate's childhood, his

relationship with Sam, the CRASH BANDICOOT sequence, the final confrontation with

Rafe, the way Elena's breasts were proportionate and realistic unlike those ridiculous

Japanese RPGs...It all overwhelmed me in a way few games have

Bertrum: Didn't you cry playing THE LAST OF US PART 2?

OCG: Yes

Bertrum: And the original THE LAST OF US?

OCG: Yes

Bertrum: And FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE?

OCG: Yes

Bertrum: And FINAL FANTASY XV? Infact, all of the FINAL FANTASY games?

OCG: Yes

Bertrum: And all of the YAKUZA games?

OCG: Yes

Bertrum: And all of the METAL GEAR SOLID games?

OCG: Yes

Bertrum: And RESIDENT EVIL 6 when Piers died?

OCG: Don't remind me

Bertrum: And...

OCG: Yes. Yes. Yes. I have cried at a lot of video games but I can't help it. I just love them so

damn much! UNCHARTED, like my gaming reviews is something that got better and better

with each new entry

Bertrum: Haha

OCG: What are you laughing at?

Bertrum: You said "entry"

OCG: Thank you, Butthead. Make yourself useful and get me a coffee

Bertrum: Oh, okay

OCG: What was I saying before I was rudely interrupted? Oh yes! The UNCHARTED SERIES

seemed to get better and better with each new sequel. The set pieces got better, the writing

got better, the visuals got better...I think you get the point

Bertrum: Here's your coffee

OCG: Bertrum, why have you served me my coffee in a cereal bowl?

Bertrum: Ummm...Because all of the mugs are indisposed

OCG: Indisposed? Did they have a long night on the town?

Bertrum: No. On the kitchen floor. I kind of...Sort of...Maybe...Accidentally bumped into the

mug rack and broke every single mug

OCG: I see. I'll have to take that out of your wages

Bertrum: But you don't pay me wages

OCG: That's right. Well if I did I would be taking this out of your wages so you thank your

lucky stars that I don't pay you

Bertrum: Lucky me

OCG: So, what was I saying? Oh yes! Every entry in the UNCHARTED SERIES is fantastic so

it won't surprise you to hear me say UNCHARTED 4 is not only the best of the series but is

one of, if not the greatest videogame ever made

Bertrum: What about MY FRIEND PEPPA PIG?

OCG: What about them?

Bertrum: No. The game MY FRIEND PEPPA PIG. Where would that rank?

OCG: Probably the 4, 600, 916th best game ever made

Bertrum: Wow! That's impressive. Well done, Peppa Pig

OCG: (Looking up) God, give me strength

Bertrum: Did you say something?

OCG: Nothing

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OCG: Now, before I talk about THE LOST LEGACY can I just say that the voice talent in

these games is exceptional. I only have to say the names Nolan North or Troy Baker and I

immediately want to fall at their feet and...

Bertrum: Kiss them?

OCG: No. Not kiss them...Not unless they wanted me to. I would fall at their feet and tell them

how much they inspire me as a fellow voice actor

Bertrum: I never knew you were a voice actor

OCG: We have to have some secrets, Bertrum

Bertrum: What else can you do?

OCG: Ummm...I can make my genitals look like a hamburger

Bertrum: Show me! Show me!

OCG: I'll show you later

Bertrum: Yay!

OCG: Reign in that excitement, Bertrum or people will start talking. Speaking of voice actors,

I want to give a shout out to Robin Atkin Downes

Bertrum: Hello Robin

OCG: Shut up, Bertrum! You're not allowed to address famous video game voice actors

Bertrum: Awww why not?

OCG: Because you have a stupid voice

Bertrum: You have a stupid voice

OCG: No. You have a stupid voice

Bertrum: No. You have a stupid voice SLAP Owwwww

OCG: What was I saying? Oh yes! Robin Atkin Downes has been in every UNCHARTED

game and he's great in every one of them. If you don't know who he is, type his name into

google. He's been in a lot of video games

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OCG: Let's move on to THE LOST LEGACY. So, UNCHARTED: THE LOST LEGACY see's

Chloe Frazer (aka the sex symbol of the UNCHARTED series) teaming up with Nadine Ross

(aka the sex symbol of the UNCHARTED series) to find the tusk of Ganesh and prevent a

villainous tosser, Asav (aka the sex symbol of the UNCHARTED series) from inciting a civil

war

Bertrum: I'm confused...So Chloe, Nadine and Asav are all sex symbols of the UNCHARTED

series?

OCG: Well, I have to cover all sexes and sexual orientations, Bertrum

Bertrum: Ah! Got you

OCG: Did you know, Bertrum that I am considered to be something of a sex symbol in the

youtube gaming community

Bertrum: Haha good one

OCG: I'm being serious

Bertrum: Who the Hell in their right mind would call you a sex symbol?

OCG: I do

Bertrum: Like I said, who in their RIGHT MIND would call you a sex symbol?

OCG: Touche

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OCG: UNCHARTED: THE LOST LEGACY is for all intents and purposes UNCHARTED 5

and like UNCHARTED 4 it has a great villain and great action sequences

Bertrum: Isn't that the one with the train sequence at the end?

OCG: Yes it is, Bertrum

Bertrum: I like trains...And planes...And automobiles

OCG: Fantastic film!

Bertrum: (Confused) Ummm...What?

OCG: Nevermind. So, gameplay...

Bertrum: You already covered that in the UNCHARTED 4 section

OCG: So I did! Visuals...

Bertrum: You already covered that in the UNCHARTED 4 section

OCG: So I did! Did I tell the story about buying an early copy of UNCHARTED 4 off ebay?

Bertrum: With the 180 packets of oreos and a copy of "Legs Parted Whore"? Yes you did

OCG: Splendid! I guess all I need to do is wrap this up

Bertrum: Quickly, please. I feel like we've been talking non-stop for days

OCG: So, in conclusion these are two of the absolute best playstation 4 games and now they are

two of the absolute best playstation 5 games. UNCHARTED 4 in particular is so good I want

to play it again right now. In Fact that's what I'm going to do. So the video is done. You can

all bugger off

Bertrum: Ummm...Score?

OCG: Oh yes! Therefore I am going to score the UNCHARTED: LEGACY OF THIEVES

COLLECTION a 5 out of 5!

The Obsessive Compulsive Gamer

(Gamer, Artist, Lunatic)